THE B-MOVIE CATECHISM

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DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 10, 2020
The Meaning of Life (1983) Muddled musings on life's mysteries with some questionable conclusions. It's Monty Python, though, so it's still hilarious. TIL: The meaning? To know, love, and serve God in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in the next. See how easy that is.Dad Rock Diary: The Beatles - The Beatles [White Album] (1968) Sgt. Pepper's schizophrenic feral offspring. It's insane, but you still can't help but love the messy little thing. Laudable Lyrics: But when you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out.

DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 7, 2020
One Man Force (1989) John Matuszak, Ronny Cox, Richard Lynch, Buck Flowers, Charles Napier, Sam Jones. Reading the cast list is more enjoyable than watching the film. TIL: Aquinas and Aristotle agree that humans, by nature, are social beings, not created to do everything alone.One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Superman III (1983) "What makes Superman a hero is not that he has power, but that he has the wisdom and the maturity to use the power wisely." - Christopher ReeveDad Rock Diary: Peter Criss - Peter Criss (1978) Unrepentant exercise in easy listening that's probably torture for most KISS fans, but might appeal to still-stoned ladies from the 70's. Laudable Lyrics: Don't let me find you sleepin' with another man. Say you're gonna be true.

DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 6, 2020
Cyborg Cop (1993) Off-brand American Ninja searches the Amazon for his recently robotized brother. John Rhys-Davies bwah-ha-has his way through it all. TIL: As our brothers' keepers we are called to help others who are suffering, even when we have our own problems. Dad Rock Diary: Gene Simmons - Gene Simmons (1978) Disney songs, Cher, and Beatles knock-offs? Don't get me wrong, it's not all that good, but man, the nads it took to release this. Laudable Lyrics: And if you cross yourself at night I'll come and see you, don't run an' hide.And finally, over at Irelandseye.com, we have the Irish legend of the Werewolves of Ossory, in which a priest meets a few furry friends in need of confession.

DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 5, 2020
The Black Room (1982) Swinging spouses unwittingly lead lovers to bloodletting maniacs. Has an Eyes Wide Shut vibe, but made for a raincoat wearing crowd. TIL: Remember kids, the Church sees ANY immodest action with a non-spouse as having the same character of malice as adultery.Dad Rock Diary: Paul Stanley - Paul Stanley (1978) Starchild's solo strays the least from the KISS formula, but definitely leans heavily into the glam side of things. It's Listenable. Laudable Lyrics: You keep your love in chains, love in chains, and only fear remains.And finally…

DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 4, 2020
Hot Splash (1988) Beach bums in need of cash get mixed up with the mob. Typical 80's crapola displays lots of flesh, but no semblance of a coherent plot. TIL: Pope Benedict XVI made it clear the Church views organized crime as a "road of death, incompatible with the Gospel."Dad Rock Diary: Ace Frehley - Ace Frehley (1978) The best KISS solo? Maybe. You can definitely roller skate to New York Groove. Laudable Lyrics: It's just that devil in me that keeps on comin' through all the time. When things start lookin' good, some things start lookin' blue.

DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 3, 2020
Boogie Nights (1997) Wow, pornography is cool! Well, until you become a drug addict or lose your children or blow your brains out or... Don't do porn, kids. TIL: The church opposes porn for its moral harm; science opposes it for its pathological harm. It's bad for you, okay.Funny Book Philosophy: Mad Magazine 180 (1976)Dad Rock Diary: Ultimate Spinach - Ultimate Spinach (1968) True psych-rock that wants nothing to do with the counter culture's dark underbelly. Laudable Lyrics: Flowered children dressed in a shroud are enveloped by a great flannel cloud because they go around acting too proud.

DAILY CALL SHEET: AUGUST 2, 2020
Van Nuys Blvd. (1979) Shiftless singles cruise, booze, and look for true love. Nostalgia for an era when doing nothing was considered a legitimate life plan. TIL: God's plan is to draw us to him so we'll know eternal happiness. Alas, our own immediate plans often muck that up.Still Voices: Highlander (1986) "Though a thousand fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, near you it shall not come." - Psalms 91:7Sing A New Song: Soccer Mommy - color theory (2020) Solid indie pop with more than enough angst to please even the most jaded 90's girl. Laudable Lyrics: I can't help the feeling that irks me, that I'm falling down From Heaven through the earth to hellfire to wear his crown.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 31, 2020
Alien Beach Party Massacre (1996) Extraterrestrials demand stoned surfers return their deadly soccer ball of mass destruction. Basically fodder for USA Up All Night. TIL: Because doing so tends to indiscriminately kill non-combatants, the Church typically opposes the use of WMDs.Tinseltown Testaments: The Exorcist (1973) "The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful. So don't listen to him."Dad Rock Diary: George Harrison - All Things Must Pass (1970) Sure six sides is overkill, but four sides of greatness is worth the unnecessary bloat. Laudable Lyrics: Forgive me Lord please, those years when I ignored you. Forgive them Lord, those that feel they can't afford you.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 30, 2020
Host (2020) Friends stuck at home during COVID-19 decide to have a seance on Zoom. Idiots. Nothing original, but unrelentingly creepy for its 59-minute run time. TIL: Although the Church allows for ghosts, it stresses that's almost never what answers when you call on spirits.One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Eyes Without a Face (1960) "Prayer is practicing the knowledge of God’s eyes upon you. He is the only one who should act as your mirror." - Sally ReadDad Rock Diary: Fifty Foot Hose - Cauldron (1968) Homemade synthesizers highlight this avant-garde experiment in psychdelia. Early Pink Floyd fans will approve. Laudable Lyrics: What direction do we go? What is right, what is wrong? There is no sleeping all night long.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 26, 2020
Shock Corridor (1963) Reporter undercover in an asylum starts to lose it. Supposed expose of mental health system quickly collapses into enjoyable exploitation. TIL:  Per St. Jerome's rule to aid the sick, Christian care for the mentally ill goes back to the first monasteries.Dad Rock Diary: The Electric Prunes - Mass in F Minor (1968) David Axelrod and studio musicians get high and record a Latin mass. Certainly no worse than most new church music of the era. Laudable Lyrics: Pleni sunt coeli et terra gloria Tua. Osanna in excelsis.And finally…

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 25, 2020
Hyperspace (1984) Occasionally humorous Star Wars parody has Lord Buckethead invading Earth to harass a "was she ever this young" Paula Poundstone. TIL: Just war theory tends to frown on invading another country (or planet) for anything other than defense of oneself or another.Still Voices - Beetlejuice (1988) "Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before." - Edith WhartonDad Rock Diary: The Soft Machine - The Soft Machine (1968) Somewhat psychedelic jazz-pop breezily prepares the way for the band's more experimental fusion stuff to come. Excellent. Laudable Lyrics: Days go by, I watch the sky, my eyes forever quest.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 24, 2020
Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974) Final Frankie film from Hammer is mostly slow, but still a classy fond farewell to Cushing's classic character. TIL: Unlike God, Cushing's Frankenstein never loves his creations. Without that foundation, of course they always go bad.Funny Book Philosophy: Jackie Gleason and The Honeymooners 008 (1957)Dad Rock Daily: The Main Ingredient - Afrodisiac (1973) Mostly Stevie Wonder covers crafted for couples feeling chill after a few glasses of Golden Cadillac. Laudable Lyrics: Well I'd love to spend more time but I've got so many things to do. Oh, I, I've got work to do.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 23, 2020
Thunder of Gigantic Serpent (1988) Thugs pester annoying child causing her giant pet snake to wreck the city. Hong Kong needs to remain free to produce this kind of insanity. TIL: Sorry snake fans, the Bible has over 50 mentions of the little devils, almost none of them positive.Dad Rock Diary: Tages - Studio (1967) Another buried gem of late 60's psychedelic pop waiting to be unearthed by treasure seekers. If only today's auto-tuned musicscape had as many. Laudable Lyrics: Have you seen your brother lately? Do you know him well?

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 22, 2020
Sea Fever (2019) Trawler becomes infested with strange contagious organism. Familiar story beats, but the moody performances keep things interesting. TIL: In the Old Testament, times of plague and sickness were always seen as opportunities for repentance and restoration.One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Housekeeping (1987) "Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset." - Saint Francis de SalesDad Rock Diary: ESG - Come Away With ESG (1983) Four sisters plus four instruments equals endless infectious grooves and apparently an unlimited source of samples. Laudable Lyrics: Why do you lie? I say you, you, you make no sense at all.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 20, 2020
Children Of The Night (1991) Vampires who barf up their lungs while napping besiege a small town. Oddball take on the mythos should please horrorphiles. TIL: JP II often talked of breathing with two lungs as a symbol for possible reunification of the Latin and Orthodox Churches.Tinseltown Testaments: The Mission (1986) "God gave us the burden of freedom. You chose your crime. Do you have the courage to choose your penance? Do you dare do that?"Dad Rock Diary: Quiet Riot - Metal Health (1983) Heavy Metal's first #1 album is no work of genius by any measure, but it hits the spot for those times when MTV nostalgia kicks in. Laudable Lyrics: So you say I got a funny face, I got no worries.


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