THE B-MOVIE CATECHISM

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DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 26, 2020
Burned At The Stake (1981) The notorious B. I. Gordon directs this familiar falsely accused witch-revenge flick that you won't believe wasn't made for TV. TIL: Author Charlotte Allen claims that practicing Wicca is a way to have Christianity without the burdens of Christianity.Still Voices - Avengers: Infinity War (2018) "Abraham spoke up again: See how I am presuming to speak to my Lord, though I am only dust and ashes!" - Genesis 18:27Dad Rock Diary: Michael Jackson - Off The Wall (1979) As monolithic as Thriller was, this mini-masterpiece of disco is just as good. Some might say... better? Laudable Lyrics: When the world is on your shoulder, gotta straighten up your act and boogie down.

STORYBOARDS #029


DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 25, 2020
Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Take One (1968) Film crew films a film crew filming a film. Insight into the creative process or just nattering navel gazing? Pick your mood. TIL: Lent encourages self-examination that reflects on our mortality and sin so we recognize our need for God.Dad Rock Diary: Dan Fogelberg - Home Free (1972) Having not yet learned how to overproduce, this debut from Dan sounds more like CSN discovered strings. Laudable Lyrics: Someday later I saw the writing in the dust. It told me how I should travel, it told me who I was.Things To Come: The Green Knight - A24 loves them some pagan imagery, but hopefully they'll also keep the deep Christian themes of prayer, confession, and mercy inherent in the tale of Sir Gawain. We'll see, Director David Lowery has delivered before.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 24, 2020
Hatchet for the Honeymoon (1970) Oddball Bava effort sees a rich, handsome non-American psycho killing any woman he sees in a wedding gown. Also, he sells wedding gowns. TIL: There were no honeymoons in Biblical times, but the wedding feast itself could last up to seven days.Sing A New Song: black midi - Schlagenhein (2019) References King Crimson aplenty, but never so much that it loses its own identity. Laudable Lyrics: But all I can hear as they gawk and they gurn and they scream and they laugh, I must make a new plan if I hope to ever last.And finally…

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 23, 2020
The Call of the Wild (2020) Anyone shocked Disney neutered the brutal novel to be a family friendly fun fest hasn't been paying attention for the last century. It's fine. TIL: Though an atheist, London once wrote that it is only in nature that man, if ever, walks alone with God.Tinseltown Testaments: Seven Samurai (1954) "I'm preparing for a tough war. It will bring us neither money or fame. Want to join?" Dad Rock Diary: AC/DC - Back in Black (1980) Lead singer boozes himself to death? Say @#$% it, get a new guy, and write Have A Drink On Me. Welcome to AC/DC. Laudable Lyrics: You're only young but you're gonna die. I won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 22, 2020
The Worm Eaters (1977) Crazy coot feeds his enemies mutant worms, turning them into worm-people. Will never be a part of the Criterion Collection. TIL: An Interesting exception in the kashrut allow Jews to eat worms embedded in cheese. Casu Marzu at your next bar mitzvah, anyone?Dad Rock Diary: Squeeze - East Side Story (1981) The band at their most Beatles-esque with producer Elvis Costello making absolutely certain you hear his influence as well. Laudable Lyrics: Tempted by the fruit of another. Tempted, but the truth is discovered.And finally, Atlas Obscura has the story behind Houska Castle, a medieval fortress which folklore says was plopped atop a portal to hell to trap the demons below. Apparently it’s become a tourist destination you can visit. No thanks, I've already seen that movie.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 21, 2020
Female Trouble (1974) Self-centered brat Divine becomes increasingly homicidal to fan the flame of her rising fame. Made back when LBBTQers didn't take themselves so seriously. TIL: Narcissists are incapable of true love because of their refusal to see others as equal in dignity.Funny Book Philosophy: 1st Issue Special 010 (1976)Dad Rock Diary: The Beatles - Rubber Soul (1965) And so it begins. The transition form the world's greatest pop band to... something more. Languid and mature with just the slightest hint of psychedelia. Laudable Lyrics: He's as blind as he can be, just sees what he wants to see.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 19, 2020
The Uncanny (1977) Ailurophobic Peter Cushing spins three yarns that prove cats are evil creatures bent on world domination, like we cat owners didn't already know. Not Amicus, but close enough. TIL: St. Gertrude is the patroness of cats AND mental illness. Think about that.One Sheet Words of Wisdom: The Humanoid (1979) "Being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself - be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter." - Viktor E. FranklSing A New Song: Charly Bliss - Young Enough (2019) Alterna-pop band puts all those childhood hours listening to Veruca Salt to good use. Laudable Lyrics: I used to think that I should be good at everything. Now I know I was wrong.

DAILY CALL SHET: FEBRUARY 18, 2020
A Bucket of Blood (1959) No-talent artist-wannabe finds fame through murder. Corman's satire of the beatnik art scene is one of his best. TIL: Jack Kerouac claimed to have had a vision of Mary, renounced Buddhism, and declared himself Catholic again. Never made it to mass though.Still Voices - Vampire's Kiss (1988) "Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." - Mother TeresaDad Rock Diary: Joe Walsh - But Seriously, Folks... (1978) One of the better examples of an artist's solo work illustrating just what it is they bring to a group. Laudable Lyrics: 'nother shot of gold won't get you very far when you got forever.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 17, 2020
X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (1963) Did you ever want those X-ray specs they sold in comics? This story proves that no, no you really didn't. TIL: Jesus' hyperbolic "pluck out the eye that offends you" is meant to stress the result of unaddressed sin, which is spiritual death.Dad Rock Diary: Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Tarkus (1971) Bask in the epic title track chronicling the evolution of a cyborg armadillo/tank. After that, feel free to skip Side 2. Laudable Lyrics: How can you know where you've been? In time you'll see the sign and realize your sin.And finally, because I know some of you actually like quality films, here's the Happy Catholic's Big List of Lenten Movies.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 16, 2020
Head of the Family (1996) Psychic with freakishly enormous noggin gets bamboozled by the town bimbo. Film noir the Full Moon way. TIL: Scripture saying the husband is the family's head doesn't mean the wife is the husband's slave, his servant, or his subject. She is his equal.Tinseltown Testaments: The Blues Brothers (1980) "We're on a mission from God."And finally…

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 15, 2020
The Kiss (1988) Cursed woman and her cat from Hell insinuate themselves into her dead sister's family. Just the kind of movie VHS was made for. TIL: One wacky Gnostic gospel claimed Judas had to identify Jesus to the Romans with a physical kiss because Jesus was a shape-changer.Sing A New Song: Kim Gordon - No Home Record (2019) Sonic Youth guitarist goes industrial. Sounds like someone singing the visuals of a David Lynch film. Laudable Lyrics: Mistakes that I made today, do they even go away? It's a moment I play, I play...  don't play it back.And finally, Andrew Housman with CBR reports on a theory which suggests the movie Cats “is actually a wildly intricate metaphor for the concept of the seven deadly sins, and that each vice has a corresponding character in the film.” This is perhaps the only article I've read so far that makes me actually want to see the movie Cats. Hopefully, though, common sense will prevail.

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 14, 2020
My Bloody Valentine (1981) They were warned not to celebrate Valentine's day. They didn't listen. Top tier slasher highlighted by actual acting and a great atmospheric setting. TIL: The real St. Valentine was beaten, stoned, and decapitated for performing Christian marriages.Dad Rock Diary: The Smiths - The Smiths (1984) It must have been utterly exhausting to maintain this level of misery for ten songs. It's fine as long as that's your cup of bitter tea. Laudable Lyrics: The devil will find work for idle hands to do.And finally, a word from the management…

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 13, 2020
Locke & Key: Season 1 (2020) Family in mourning feuds with a demon over magic keys. Great premise derailed by dumb characters and overemphasis on YA elements. TIL: Exorcist trainer Fr. César Truqui named Asmodeus as the demon that specializes in spiritually attacking families.Funny Book Philosophy: The Spectre 001 (2001)And finally…

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 12, 2020
WR: Mysteries of the Organism (1971) Promotes the notion that socialism would work fine if people would only have sex most of the day. Guess that might leave less time for mass slaughter. TIL: The Church rejects the totalitarian and atheistic ideologies associated with socialism.One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Seizure (1974) “It’s better to be alone than in bad company.” - George WashingtonDad Rock Diary: Howard Tate - Howard Tate (1971) Probably not his best, but this unjustly overlooked singer still delivers a satisfying set of 70's soul. Laudable Lyrics: I'm out here thinkin', thinkin' 'bout what I've done. That's why, oh that's why, I'm eight days on the road.And finally, CatholicSkywalker has a few final words on this year’s Oscars.


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